I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
