We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
