just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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