hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
