Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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