In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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