ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
