she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
