Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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