somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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