Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
