I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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