Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My life is pants optional.
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