Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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