It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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