cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
