First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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