yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
