You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
