im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
