you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
