I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
