don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
