bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
