and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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