I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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