i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
