She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I love having hate sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
