He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize