alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize