you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
