Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize