Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
