even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
im on a boat
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