meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
