Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
