Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
