Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
