hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize