Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm bleeding and have questions
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
