I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
