hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
