i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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