I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize