so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
