You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
