So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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