Already got asked if we're dating
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
