DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
