Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize