My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
