Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
