she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
