The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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