So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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