He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize