dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
