I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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