No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
