i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
