So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
