My nipple is on Facebook.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
