Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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