my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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