Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
