Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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