Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
