I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
