But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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