did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
